bercakap
soal hati ni memang benda payah.
bercakap soal rasa
ia terlalu abstrak.
dan aku.
aku pandai bercakap soal rasa guna kata-kata dalam bentuk tulisan cuma
aku tak pandai nak tunjuk depan-depan.
aku tak reti.
aku takut.
aku malu.
dan rasa tu hanya bermain-main dalam hati.
kadang-kadang menjentik aku bagi aku sakit nak menangis.
dan sungguh aku benci
dijentik-jentik,diusik-usik
aku tak selesa.aku tak suka.
kalau minta aku kata
harus aku menangis masa itu juga
sebab,aku nak simpan.
aku nak simpan baik-baik
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
losing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7ry4cx6HfY
To lose someone you love.someone yang ada pertalian darah memang benda paling pahit nak ditelan.
To lose someone you love.someone yang ada pertalian darah memang benda paling pahit nak ditelan.
untuk cakap sabar…its easier said than done.
kadang-kadang kita rasa
kita kuat tapi kita lemah sangat-sangat
.jiwa nak meratap.rapuh.payah.
dan untuk lekatkan dalam kepala yang satu hari nanti everybodys will be leaving..
it is part of life tu sangat susah
walau kita dah rasa
untuk hadap benda sama
untuk rasa emotional breakdown tu
kalau boleh tak mahu dah kita jejak time tu
dah taknak rasa hilang tu.dah taknak rasa sedih tu
tapi ni kenyataan hidup
aku mohon pada tuhan.beri aku kuat untuk hadap kalau aku harus kehilangan lagi.
dan untuk lekatkan dalam kepala yang satu hari nanti everybodys will be leaving..
it is part of life tu sangat susah
walau kita dah rasa
untuk hadap benda sama
untuk rasa emotional breakdown tu
kalau boleh tak mahu dah kita jejak time tu
dah taknak rasa hilang tu.dah taknak rasa sedih tu
tapi ni kenyataan hidup
aku mohon pada tuhan.beri aku kuat untuk hadap kalau aku harus kehilangan lagi.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Ponteng
kalau nak tahu kenapa pelajar ponteng,tanyalah pada pelajar yang kaki ponteng juga.
walaupun aku cikgu,aku takkan kata kerajaan saja nak carik salah cikgu sebab point ni make sense.why?
sebab aku pon kaki ponteng.Aku bukan budak baik yang patuh peraturan.my school years agak rebellious but I am rebellious in my own way.Aku tak suka,aku boikot.which is ponteng
memang bila ingat balik,rugi pada diri sendiri tapi jiwa aku masa tu,kalau aku tak boleh nak faham.kalau cikgu tu tak make effort nak buat aku faham aku fikir no point aku pergi sekolah
seriously I skipped school sebab beberapa subjek macam fizik dan add math.
sebab I hate this two subject.I cant even understand any of it plus cikgu ajar dengan sangat laa...
aku tydo kot taim class.yes,its rude dan sebab tu aku ponteng je terus.dari dok dalam kelas aku tydo meleleh ayer liur.
I came to school because other subject and other teachers macam subjek BM,Sejarah.Maybe sebab otak aku otak kanan kot.Otak Bahasa.Sains Sosial jadik memang aku lembap nak faham dua subjek tadi tu.Tapi aku rasa tanggungjawab cikgu tu untuk buat class rasa homey bukannya rasa mengantuk.Student ponteng,ada kaitan jugak ye dengan cikgu.
Masa form 1-3 aku blaja kat sekolah asrama.Suasana lain lepastu cikgu-cikgu aku pon best.Serius la..Sampai sekarang aku rindu Ummi Jariah yang ajar sains...cikgu Norehan yang ajar Geog...Semua cikgu masa aku kat sekolah asrama dulu sentiasa buat aku inspired nak pergi sekolah..
Sebab dorang ajar memang terbaek!
*aku selalu janji kat diri aku,aku taknak ajar bosan.Aku nak bagi budak-budak semangat datang sekolah dan tak buat perangai bodoh macam aku.
walaupun aku cikgu,aku takkan kata kerajaan saja nak carik salah cikgu sebab point ni make sense.why?
sebab aku pon kaki ponteng.Aku bukan budak baik yang patuh peraturan.my school years agak rebellious but I am rebellious in my own way.Aku tak suka,aku boikot.which is ponteng
memang bila ingat balik,rugi pada diri sendiri tapi jiwa aku masa tu,kalau aku tak boleh nak faham.kalau cikgu tu tak make effort nak buat aku faham aku fikir no point aku pergi sekolah
seriously I skipped school sebab beberapa subjek macam fizik dan add math.
sebab I hate this two subject.I cant even understand any of it plus cikgu ajar dengan sangat laa...
aku tydo kot taim class.yes,its rude dan sebab tu aku ponteng je terus.dari dok dalam kelas aku tydo meleleh ayer liur.
I came to school because other subject and other teachers macam subjek BM,Sejarah.Maybe sebab otak aku otak kanan kot.Otak Bahasa.Sains Sosial jadik memang aku lembap nak faham dua subjek tadi tu.Tapi aku rasa tanggungjawab cikgu tu untuk buat class rasa homey bukannya rasa mengantuk.Student ponteng,ada kaitan jugak ye dengan cikgu.
Masa form 1-3 aku blaja kat sekolah asrama.Suasana lain lepastu cikgu-cikgu aku pon best.Serius la..Sampai sekarang aku rindu Ummi Jariah yang ajar sains...cikgu Norehan yang ajar Geog...Semua cikgu masa aku kat sekolah asrama dulu sentiasa buat aku inspired nak pergi sekolah..
Sebab dorang ajar memang terbaek!
*aku selalu janji kat diri aku,aku taknak ajar bosan.Aku nak bagi budak-budak semangat datang sekolah dan tak buat perangai bodoh macam aku.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
the ugly truth
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: GreenTea
2. Last phone call: My niece : Ciknah bila ni? Masak pandai dah...ngemas power dah
(one fine day my dear)
3. Last text message: My Niece,Maybank account number
4. Last song you listened to: Voice Within,Christina Aguilera
5. Last time you cried: At Home.Last Raya.I miss mom.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: No
7. Been cheated on: Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: All the time
11. Been drunk and threw up: No
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. Grey
13. Black
14. Red
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2013)
15. Made a new friend: Yes, so many from FB.
16. Fallen out of love: Hurm...
17. Laughed until you cried: Yup.Masa reunion ASBT
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were: Hurm...
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Ada aku kesah ?
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: So many of them.HAHA
22. How many people on your Facebook friends list do you know in real life: Half of them
23. How many kids do you want to have: 5.
24. Do you have any pets: Nope.
25. Do you want to change your name : Nope.I love my name.Nama ibu nabi.
26. What did you do for your last birthday:I did nothing..just jadik Fasi kat Janda Baik. Best!!
27. What time did you wake up today: 6.30am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: FBing.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Olympus Pen.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 3 September 2011. IMY mom.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I could spend the whole night talking and lying beside my mom,before she died.
32. What are you listening to right now: True Love Waits by Radiohead
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes.Tom is an English tutor at our school
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: To drive my own car.VIVI
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook.Blogspot.
36. Whats your real name: Aminah.
37. Nicknames: Min.Minah.Ninah.Cikgu
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Saggittarius
40. Male or female?: Shemale.HAHA
41. Elementary?: SK Pasoh 4
42. Middle School?: SMK Sungai Kruit,SMK Teriang Hilir and Tuanku Muhammad School.
43. High school/college?: IPG Tengku Ampuan Afzan,Kuala Lipis Pahang
44. Hair colour: Black.
45. Long or short: I like it short and always short.Short is sexy and stylo : p
46. Height:154cm. pendek.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: yup.
48: What do you like about yourself?: keramahan
49. Piercings: Not interested
50. Tattoos: Kharommm.
51. Righty or lefty: Kanan lebih afdhol.
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: None
53. First piercing: None
54. First best friend: ntah.x ingat.
55. First sport you joined : olahraga kot.
56. First vacation: PD.with my bro and his family
58. First pair of trainers: ntah.
RIGHT NOW
59. Eating:] nothing
60. Drinking: nothing
61. I'm about to: sing
62. Listening to: Fix You,Coldplay
63. Waiting on : salary so I can go to vacation
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: of course.
65. Get Married?: I wanted to but...hurm...one fine day...
66. Career?: Guru Cemerlang.Master.Phd.
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.I love my brown eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.Mom hugs
69. Shorter or taller: Tall.
70. Older or Younger: Younger,no responsibility
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach.
73. Sensitive or loud: pheww.
74. Hook-up or relationship: I don't know.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: troublemaker
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No
77. Drank hard liquor: No
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes
79. Sex on first date: No
80. Broken someone's heart: Yes
82. Been arrested: Yes.By warden.
83. Turned someone down: Yes
84. Cried when someone died: I rarely cry but I did when my mom died.
85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Sometimes
87. Miracles: Yes
88. Love at first sight: No. mostly must be through friendship
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus: No
91. Kiss on the first date: No
92. Angels: Yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No
95. Did you sing today?: Yup.in front of laptop.In toilet.in kitchen.I love singing
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Yes
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: As far as I can be with my mom.maybe since birth
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: a day I met him for a last time.I wish we didn’t meet.we didn’t talk.we didn’t make a promises we cant fulfil.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Yes.
100. Are these answers above all truths?: Yes.
1. Last beverage: GreenTea
2. Last phone call: My niece : Ciknah bila ni? Masak pandai dah...ngemas power dah
(one fine day my dear)
3. Last text message: My Niece,Maybank account number
4. Last song you listened to: Voice Within,Christina Aguilera
5. Last time you cried: At Home.Last Raya.I miss mom.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: No
7. Been cheated on: Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: No
9. Lost someone special: Yes
10. Been depressed: All the time
11. Been drunk and threw up: No
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. Grey
13. Black
14. Red
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2013)
15. Made a new friend: Yes, so many from FB.
16. Fallen out of love: Hurm...
17. Laughed until you cried: Yup.Masa reunion ASBT
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were: Hurm...
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Ada aku kesah ?
21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: So many of them.HAHA
22. How many people on your Facebook friends list do you know in real life: Half of them
23. How many kids do you want to have: 5.
24. Do you have any pets: Nope.
25. Do you want to change your name : Nope.I love my name.Nama ibu nabi.
26. What did you do for your last birthday:I did nothing..just jadik Fasi kat Janda Baik. Best!!
27. What time did you wake up today: 6.30am.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: FBing.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Olympus Pen.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 3 September 2011. IMY mom.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I could spend the whole night talking and lying beside my mom,before she died.
32. What are you listening to right now: True Love Waits by Radiohead
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes.Tom is an English tutor at our school
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: To drive my own car.VIVI
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook.Blogspot.
36. Whats your real name: Aminah.
37. Nicknames: Min.Minah.Ninah.Cikgu
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Saggittarius
40. Male or female?: Shemale.HAHA
41. Elementary?: SK Pasoh 4
42. Middle School?: SMK Sungai Kruit,SMK Teriang Hilir and Tuanku Muhammad School.
43. High school/college?: IPG Tengku Ampuan Afzan,Kuala Lipis Pahang
44. Hair colour: Black.
45. Long or short: I like it short and always short.Short is sexy and stylo : p
46. Height:154cm. pendek.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: yup.
48: What do you like about yourself?: keramahan
49. Piercings: Not interested
50. Tattoos: Kharommm.
51. Righty or lefty: Kanan lebih afdhol.
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: None
53. First piercing: None
54. First best friend: ntah.x ingat.
55. First sport you joined : olahraga kot.
56. First vacation: PD.with my bro and his family
58. First pair of trainers: ntah.
RIGHT NOW
59. Eating:] nothing
60. Drinking: nothing
61. I'm about to: sing
62. Listening to: Fix You,Coldplay
63. Waiting on : salary so I can go to vacation
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: of course.
65. Get Married?: I wanted to but...hurm...one fine day...
66. Career?: Guru Cemerlang.Master.Phd.
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.I love my brown eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.Mom hugs
69. Shorter or taller: Tall.
70. Older or Younger: Younger,no responsibility
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach.
73. Sensitive or loud: pheww.
74. Hook-up or relationship: I don't know.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: troublemaker
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No
77. Drank hard liquor: No
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes
79. Sex on first date: No
80. Broken someone's heart: Yes
82. Been arrested: Yes.By warden.
83. Turned someone down: Yes
84. Cried when someone died: I rarely cry but I did when my mom died.
85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Sometimes
87. Miracles: Yes
88. Love at first sight: No. mostly must be through friendship
89. Heaven: Yes
90. Santa Claus: No
91. Kiss on the first date: No
92. Angels: Yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No
95. Did you sing today?: Yup.in front of laptop.In toilet.in kitchen.I love singing
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Yes
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: As far as I can be with my mom.maybe since birth
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: a day I met him for a last time.I wish we didn’t meet.we didn’t talk.we didn’t make a promises we cant fulfil.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Yes.
100. Are these answers above all truths?: Yes.
philophobia
Just looking at others
Go on with their relationship
some struggle.some break.some make it through next level finally
and me..
I’m still sitting on the fences
hesitate
afraid to jump cause I’m afraid of falling
how I wish I could jump off the fences
but me myself
I’m too coward
I am hesitate
I’m too defensive
I give no room for others
I just let them stay in front of the door
You know,all these years
I’m guarding myself
I have control
I control my action so that I wont fall into emotion
but yet I’m still lose on emotion
that one time I fall
change my emotion condition tremendously
and still I greive for same damn thing.person.
I hate myself for that
that’s why I hate it when I start to attach with some other guy
I wont let myself to attach with people
cause I know how its hurt
to let go of thing that we’re attached to
its hard.its hurt.cant be healed in nick of time
How I wish I know who I will be married to
so that I can let of my guards
give him chances
show him how I care
show him how I need him
show him the ugly side of me
show him the funny thing about me
show him how mushy I can be
show him that I’m not really frozen emotionally
I just need someone who can makes me feels
I can depend on him.He wont let me go no matter how hard things would be
I wanted someone who will fight cause me myself not a fighter
I’ll quit easily on relationship
unless he showed me that its worth to fight.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Random
RULES:
1. Put Your itunes/ipod, windows media player etc on Shuffle ( I use WMP )
2. For each question, press the next button, and the title of that song is your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Put any comments in [brackets] after the song name
-Are you male or female?
C'mon (Panic at The Disco Feat FUN): C'mon...of course shemale.HAHA...
What do people feel when they’re around you?
Trapeze (Dia Frampton): Tempat berpaut maybe ? nampak sangat aku ni gagah.huhu
Describe your current relationship.
We are Young (FUN) : So let set the world on fire !
Where would you like to be now?
Standing in The Rain (Jamie Scott and The Town): I would love to.
How do you feel about love?
I'm Bored of Your Love (Dia Frampton) : Absolutely !
Whats your life like?
150 Juta ( Fynn Jamal ): Buat apa dicerita,bahgia kita rasa.Peduli orang kata.Yeayeah.
-What would you wish for if you had only one wish?
Cinta Sempurna ( Yuna ): Allahurabbi
Say something wise.
Just The Way You Are (Bruno Mars): wise one.
-If someone says “Is this okay?” You say,
Stay ( Estrella ) : well another word for okay la tu
How would you describe yourself?
Cerita Dia ( DramaBand): Ceh.pathetic gila aku.Menagih kaseh.pathetic.
-What do you look for in a girl/guy?
Somewhere Only We Know ( Keane ) : HAHA Rahsia.Rahsia.
How do you feel today?
I'm yours ( Jason Mraz) : Well open up your mind and see like me! positif macam lagu ni!
-What is your life’s purpose?
Mawar Khayalan ( Laila's Lounge ) : Membawa orang keluar dari dunia hampa.HAHA
What is your motto?
Details in The Fabric ( Jason Mraz): Hold your own.Know Your Name.and go your own way ! Terbaek !
What do friends think of you?
Never Too Late ( Three Days Grace ) : Lembap bertindak,Pesimis dan Degil
What do you think of your parents?
Aku yang Berdosa ( Shahir ): Aku yang berdosa.Kat mereka.
What do you think about very often?
Ku Tiba Lagi ( Hyper Act ): bersama rindu datang bertamu.HAHA
What is 2 + 2?
Andaiku Bercinta Lagi ( Mojo ): ???
What do you think of your best friend(s)?
Jangan Takut ( Nidji ) : oh jika kau butuh cinta akulah orangnya.HAHA.
What do you think of the person you like?
Biar Mimpi Sampai ke Bintang ( Asmidar ) : Jangan resah,ini takdir..tuhan mendengarnya tuk membawa mimpi-mimpi kita.When i think about him,I leave it to god.
What is your life story?
Sesal Mendua ( Klangit ): Menyesal aku putuskan kamu???huh?aku??
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Biarlah ( Nidji ): That explained why I'm so layback during my schoolyears..HAHA
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Strangeland ( Keane ) : Perasaan yang pelik.HAHA.
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Aku Pelangi ( Joanna n Co): Comel.nak.nak.
What will they play at your funeral?
Wherever You Are ( One OK Rock ) : T T. Lagu ni meruntun hati.we'll carry on...
What is your biggest fear?
Tanpamu ( Amir Jahari ) : Fear of losing her but she's not here.Nothing to fear anymore ?
What is your biggest secret?
Call Me Maybe ( Carley Rae Japsen ) : shh.nak tawu call.nanti aku gtaw
What do you think of your friends?
If You Ever Comeback ( The Script ) : I'll leave the key under the mat if you ever come back.HAHA
What will you post this as?
Try ( Pink ): Trying la ni ha.tak nampak
Terbaik gile la lagu.Nampak sangat playlist lagu aku represent diri aku.Wuutwuut.
1. Put Your itunes/ipod, windows media player etc on Shuffle ( I use WMP )
2. For each question, press the next button, and the title of that song is your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Put any comments in [brackets] after the song name
-Are you male or female?
C'mon (Panic at The Disco Feat FUN): C'mon...of course shemale.HAHA...
What do people feel when they’re around you?
Trapeze (Dia Frampton): Tempat berpaut maybe ? nampak sangat aku ni gagah.huhu
Describe your current relationship.
We are Young (FUN) : So let set the world on fire !
Where would you like to be now?
Standing in The Rain (Jamie Scott and The Town): I would love to.
How do you feel about love?
I'm Bored of Your Love (Dia Frampton) : Absolutely !
Whats your life like?
150 Juta ( Fynn Jamal ): Buat apa dicerita,bahgia kita rasa.Peduli orang kata.Yeayeah.
-What would you wish for if you had only one wish?
Cinta Sempurna ( Yuna ): Allahurabbi
Say something wise.
Just The Way You Are (Bruno Mars): wise one.
-If someone says “Is this okay?” You say,
Stay ( Estrella ) : well another word for okay la tu
How would you describe yourself?
Cerita Dia ( DramaBand): Ceh.pathetic gila aku.Menagih kaseh.pathetic.
-What do you look for in a girl/guy?
Somewhere Only We Know ( Keane ) : HAHA Rahsia.Rahsia.
How do you feel today?
I'm yours ( Jason Mraz) : Well open up your mind and see like me! positif macam lagu ni!
-What is your life’s purpose?
Mawar Khayalan ( Laila's Lounge ) : Membawa orang keluar dari dunia hampa.HAHA
What is your motto?
Details in The Fabric ( Jason Mraz): Hold your own.Know Your Name.and go your own way ! Terbaek !
What do friends think of you?
Never Too Late ( Three Days Grace ) : Lembap bertindak,Pesimis dan Degil
What do you think of your parents?
Aku yang Berdosa ( Shahir ): Aku yang berdosa.Kat mereka.
What do you think about very often?
Ku Tiba Lagi ( Hyper Act ): bersama rindu datang bertamu.HAHA
What is 2 + 2?
Andaiku Bercinta Lagi ( Mojo ): ???
What do you think of your best friend(s)?
Jangan Takut ( Nidji ) : oh jika kau butuh cinta akulah orangnya.HAHA.
What do you think of the person you like?
Biar Mimpi Sampai ke Bintang ( Asmidar ) : Jangan resah,ini takdir..tuhan mendengarnya tuk membawa mimpi-mimpi kita.When i think about him,I leave it to god.
What is your life story?
Sesal Mendua ( Klangit ): Menyesal aku putuskan kamu???huh?aku??
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Biarlah ( Nidji ): That explained why I'm so layback during my schoolyears..HAHA
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Strangeland ( Keane ) : Perasaan yang pelik.HAHA.
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Aku Pelangi ( Joanna n Co): Comel.nak.nak.
What will they play at your funeral?
Wherever You Are ( One OK Rock ) : T T. Lagu ni meruntun hati.we'll carry on...
What is your biggest fear?
Tanpamu ( Amir Jahari ) : Fear of losing her but she's not here.Nothing to fear anymore ?
What is your biggest secret?
Call Me Maybe ( Carley Rae Japsen ) : shh.nak tawu call.nanti aku gtaw
What do you think of your friends?
If You Ever Comeback ( The Script ) : I'll leave the key under the mat if you ever come back.HAHA
What will you post this as?
Try ( Pink ): Trying la ni ha.tak nampak
Terbaik gile la lagu.Nampak sangat playlist lagu aku represent diri aku.Wuutwuut.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Rant on Posting
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Penantian berbulan-bulan akhirnya berakhir.Aku sekarang di Bintulu Sarawak.
Yup…finally aku dah ditempatkan mengajar.
Panjang kalau nak diceritakan kronologi troll,troll oleh pihak KPM.
Tapi lapangkanlah saja dada,sistem yang digerakkan manusia tentulah banyak cacat celanya.
Nanti lah aku ceritakan kronologinya yang sedeh tu ye.
So pendek cerita aku dipostingkan di SK Kidurong,Bintulu.Serius cakap aku tak pernah bayang pun aku akan posting kat tempat ni sebab aku selalu rasa aku akan dipostingkan di daerah terpencil.Selama 5 tahun setengah aku di IPG…at least sebulan sekali aku akan mimpi naik bot,jeram berbatu,air sungai kaler susu,beting pasir dan segala yang memberi gambaran daerah pedalaman seperti Kapit contohnya sentiasa menghantui.Aku sendiri menyediakan diri untuk itu…Aku start studi lebih sket tentang agama…baca terjemahan…bukan apa…aku nak sediakan diri aku..takut kalau kena daerah pedalaman di sana yang majoritinya beragama kristian…kalau aku zero,bahaya untuk aku sebab banyak jugak aku dengar cerita dari cikgu aku yang pernah posting di Miri,Marudi…kat sana dia rasa terancam sebab ada yang cuba-cuba nak sampaikan dakyah mereka.
Kalau aku ada ilmu,at least aku boleh lawan dalam hati segala lintasan-lintasan yang datang ni.Bagi aku.Aku ni bukannya alim.bukannya iman power.jadik at least aku boleh jawab balik dalam hati.
Masa senarai nama dah keluar tu..bila baca je Sarawak aku terus set yang aku nak pack semua barang dalam hiking bag.Baju memang seminima mungkin in case kena tolak bot ke hape.Aku rasa aku dah ready nak sahut cabaran jungle of Borneo tu..haha.Aku terima kalau aku kena P3 ke,P2 ke atau P1 sebab aku rasa mengajar kat tempat ni feel dia memang lain.Aku sendiri suka suasana di mana aku spend time ngan student…buat free classes ngan diorang..buat makan-makan bagi student..Aku suka suasana yang macam tu sebab ntah la jiwa aku kat budak-budak kampung ni lain sket…maybe sebab aku sendiri budak kampung…Aku rasa the need of attention,keperluan budak-budak tu sangat penting in order untuk keluarkan diorang dari kepompong hidup dorang yang isolated tu..
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Penantian berbulan-bulan akhirnya berakhir.Aku sekarang di Bintulu Sarawak.
Yup…finally aku dah ditempatkan mengajar.
Panjang kalau nak diceritakan kronologi troll,troll oleh pihak KPM.
Tapi lapangkanlah saja dada,sistem yang digerakkan manusia tentulah banyak cacat celanya.
Nanti lah aku ceritakan kronologinya yang sedeh tu ye.
So pendek cerita aku dipostingkan di SK Kidurong,Bintulu.Serius cakap aku tak pernah bayang pun aku akan posting kat tempat ni sebab aku selalu rasa aku akan dipostingkan di daerah terpencil.Selama 5 tahun setengah aku di IPG…at least sebulan sekali aku akan mimpi naik bot,jeram berbatu,air sungai kaler susu,beting pasir dan segala yang memberi gambaran daerah pedalaman seperti Kapit contohnya sentiasa menghantui.Aku sendiri menyediakan diri untuk itu…Aku start studi lebih sket tentang agama…baca terjemahan…bukan apa…aku nak sediakan diri aku..takut kalau kena daerah pedalaman di sana yang majoritinya beragama kristian…kalau aku zero,bahaya untuk aku sebab banyak jugak aku dengar cerita dari cikgu aku yang pernah posting di Miri,Marudi…kat sana dia rasa terancam sebab ada yang cuba-cuba nak sampaikan dakyah mereka.
Kalau aku ada ilmu,at least aku boleh lawan dalam hati segala lintasan-lintasan yang datang ni.Bagi aku.Aku ni bukannya alim.bukannya iman power.jadik at least aku boleh jawab balik dalam hati.
Masa senarai nama dah keluar tu..bila baca je Sarawak aku terus set yang aku nak pack semua barang dalam hiking bag.Baju memang seminima mungkin in case kena tolak bot ke hape.Aku rasa aku dah ready nak sahut cabaran jungle of Borneo tu..haha.Aku terima kalau aku kena P3 ke,P2 ke atau P1 sebab aku rasa mengajar kat tempat ni feel dia memang lain.Aku sendiri suka suasana di mana aku spend time ngan student…buat free classes ngan diorang..buat makan-makan bagi student..Aku suka suasana yang macam tu sebab ntah la jiwa aku kat budak-budak kampung ni lain sket…maybe sebab aku sendiri budak kampung…Aku rasa the need of attention,keperluan budak-budak tu sangat penting in order untuk keluarkan diorang dari kepompong hidup dorang yang isolated tu..
But things go another way..Hurm..lepas mak aku meninggal aku
sebenarnya sentiasa ingatkan diri aku yang things will never go easy..never go
in way kita nak,but in a way HE knows best…jadik aku buat plan plan yang
berbeza…aku ada plan kalau aku posting semenanjung kawasan kampung.Aku ada plan
kalau aku posting bandar kat semenanjung dan aku ada plan kalau aku posting pedalaman
tapi kan aku takde plan untuk posting bandar kat Sarawak..Yela kita pikir kalau
Sarawak tu baik anta je Pedalaman..Mula tu a bit frust sebab Bintulu ni area
living cost tinggi kot.Sangat tak berbaloi unless I married to some abam minyak
from Petronas ke,Shell ke LMNG ke kan..Tapi bila diperhalusi bila dapat Bintulu
ni banyak win-win situationya untuk aku dan family aku,abah la terutama.
Abah dah berumur kot.Anything could happen.To me.To
him.Duduk kat Bintulu at least so much easy untuk aku balik sebab airport tak
jauh.and even kalau aku nak bawak abah dok skali ngan aku pon takpe sebab
Bintulu is quiet kondusif..Hospital dari rumah tak jauh sangat..maybe la living
cost mahal..nak sewa rumah mahal..tapi duit tak boleh trade dengan rasa selesa
dan selamat.So kat sini memang win-win situation la.
Pastu rasanya takde masalah pon kalau aku nak berkhidmat pada anak-anak bumi Kenyalang yang isolated tu…Aku ada kawan-kawan yang dok kat pedalaman..Bukan aku tak boleh create event..create program…join venture dengan diorang untuk aku feel mengajar kepada yang memerlukan.Pastu aku merancang nak hiking…mountain climbing….benda tu memang takde masalah…macam aku cakap la.. geng-geng pon ada…
Sungguh tuhan dah beri aku jalan untuk buat apa aku cita-citakan…laksanakan tanggungjawab aku sebagai anak…sebagai guru…sebagai hamba..
DIA dah rintis jalan….all I need to do…is to walk on it…
Jadi sekarang kena slow-slow kayuh…first thing first…rancang step by step…
Pastu rasanya takde masalah pon kalau aku nak berkhidmat pada anak-anak bumi Kenyalang yang isolated tu…Aku ada kawan-kawan yang dok kat pedalaman..Bukan aku tak boleh create event..create program…join venture dengan diorang untuk aku feel mengajar kepada yang memerlukan.Pastu aku merancang nak hiking…mountain climbing….benda tu memang takde masalah…macam aku cakap la.. geng-geng pon ada…
Sungguh tuhan dah beri aku jalan untuk buat apa aku cita-citakan…laksanakan tanggungjawab aku sebagai anak…sebagai guru…sebagai hamba..
DIA dah rintis jalan….all I need to do…is to walk on it…
Jadi sekarang kena slow-slow kayuh…first thing first…rancang step by step…
Kalau mak ada lagi dan aku cerita macam apa yang aku cerita
kat blog ni pada dia mesti mata mak dah berkaca-kaca dan cakap : Tengok,apa
ninah nak semua tuhan bagi…jadi jangan abaikan solat..jangan lupa doa…jangan
lalai…nanti kalau tuhan dah tak nak bagi macammana?
Mak,wonderwall aku.Sentiasa positifkan aku.sentiasa mengingatkan aku tentang benda-benda by heart yang tak pernah aku nak ambil pusing.Jiwa dia halus gila.Walau dia sakit camne pon…dia sentiasa akan fikir ada yang lagi worse…dia fikir t upon tuhan dah go easy dengan dia..beza dengan aku yang sikit nak merungut..tak reti syukur…Mak ni,sampai apa yang far away pun dia dah fikirkan…contoh paling mudah soal duit untuk aku posting.She saved up some money for me.Betul-betul masa dia meninggal,ada 3200 dalam ASB aku sebab setahun sebelum dia meninggal tu aku cakap dengan dia senior aku kata at least kena ada 3000 masa posting kalau dapat area bandar.
Jadi kalau sampai sekarang aku tak boleh nak buang sedih tu korang kena la faham kenapa sebab bila dia takde dah takde orang nak fikirkan sejauh tu untuk aku.Yang nak care need aku.Yang boleh sooth feeling aku.Setiap hari aku bagitahu yang dia cuma diberi pinjam.Kalau sampai aku terlalu depend pada dia…sampai bila pun aku tak grown up dan sampai bila pun aku tak gantung sepenuh harap pada DIA kan?
Sandar kat kayu,kayu reput.Sandar kat manusia,manusia lari.Sandar pada tuhan dia kekal abadi.
(ni quote mak)
Bagi kawan-kawan yang dapat tempat teruk-teruk tu first yang aku rasa…macam ada batu jatuh atas kepala.Aku rasa sangat bersalah.sebab aku dapat tempat okey walaupun aku prepared for the worse.Serius cakap la..tengok Ain nangis aku tak tahu nak cakap apa…lagipun aku memang tak berapa pandai nak show feeling aku tu…aku bukan jenis nanges depan orang suka suka hati…aku just boleh teman dia…cakap sikit-sikit dengan dia..masa dia kena P3 tu pathetic gila aku rasa…Rasa macam nak mintak tukar pegi sana pon ada…sebab bagi aku at least dia ada kawan dia boleh kuat…tapi semua orang pon perlu hadapi jalan masing-masing kan…nasib la akhirnya Ain dapat dok area pekan…lega tak tahu nak cakap camne…Tuhan perkenan…Berkat doa mak dia…berkat doa budak-budak PISMP yang dia tolong bagi maklumat untuk interview.Budak ni aku cakap,macam kaunter bergerak masa nak interview aitu.Semua orang tanya dia maklumat.Dengan usaha dia call SPP pastu update kat FB..pastu boleh tahan gak budak ni gegar twitter pak menteri pasal posting..huhu. Aku padahal kenal Ain tu dalam FB je kot..tapi feel kat dia lain dowh (aku straight).Aku ni memang ada masalah sikit kalau aku ada rasa sayang kat orang,memang sampai bila-bila la orang tu lekat kat hati.
Mak,wonderwall aku.Sentiasa positifkan aku.sentiasa mengingatkan aku tentang benda-benda by heart yang tak pernah aku nak ambil pusing.Jiwa dia halus gila.Walau dia sakit camne pon…dia sentiasa akan fikir ada yang lagi worse…dia fikir t upon tuhan dah go easy dengan dia..beza dengan aku yang sikit nak merungut..tak reti syukur…Mak ni,sampai apa yang far away pun dia dah fikirkan…contoh paling mudah soal duit untuk aku posting.She saved up some money for me.Betul-betul masa dia meninggal,ada 3200 dalam ASB aku sebab setahun sebelum dia meninggal tu aku cakap dengan dia senior aku kata at least kena ada 3000 masa posting kalau dapat area bandar.
Jadi kalau sampai sekarang aku tak boleh nak buang sedih tu korang kena la faham kenapa sebab bila dia takde dah takde orang nak fikirkan sejauh tu untuk aku.Yang nak care need aku.Yang boleh sooth feeling aku.Setiap hari aku bagitahu yang dia cuma diberi pinjam.Kalau sampai aku terlalu depend pada dia…sampai bila pun aku tak grown up dan sampai bila pun aku tak gantung sepenuh harap pada DIA kan?
Sandar kat kayu,kayu reput.Sandar kat manusia,manusia lari.Sandar pada tuhan dia kekal abadi.
(ni quote mak)
Bagi kawan-kawan yang dapat tempat teruk-teruk tu first yang aku rasa…macam ada batu jatuh atas kepala.Aku rasa sangat bersalah.sebab aku dapat tempat okey walaupun aku prepared for the worse.Serius cakap la..tengok Ain nangis aku tak tahu nak cakap apa…lagipun aku memang tak berapa pandai nak show feeling aku tu…aku bukan jenis nanges depan orang suka suka hati…aku just boleh teman dia…cakap sikit-sikit dengan dia..masa dia kena P3 tu pathetic gila aku rasa…Rasa macam nak mintak tukar pegi sana pon ada…sebab bagi aku at least dia ada kawan dia boleh kuat…tapi semua orang pon perlu hadapi jalan masing-masing kan…nasib la akhirnya Ain dapat dok area pekan…lega tak tahu nak cakap camne…Tuhan perkenan…Berkat doa mak dia…berkat doa budak-budak PISMP yang dia tolong bagi maklumat untuk interview.Budak ni aku cakap,macam kaunter bergerak masa nak interview aitu.Semua orang tanya dia maklumat.Dengan usaha dia call SPP pastu update kat FB..pastu boleh tahan gak budak ni gegar twitter pak menteri pasal posting..huhu. Aku padahal kenal Ain tu dalam FB je kot..tapi feel kat dia lain dowh (aku straight).Aku ni memang ada masalah sikit kalau aku ada rasa sayang kat orang,memang sampai bila-bila la orang tu lekat kat hati.
Kalau aku nak rant on pasal posting ni gila panjang bak
hang.Ada banyak lagi series of event yang berlaku..tapi biarlah remain untold.
Paling
penting.Alhamdulillah.Alhamdulillah.Alhamdulillah.Harap tak lalai dalam limpahan rezeki tuhan bagi
Kat insan-insan berikut moga tuhan memberkati kalian.Moga ada ganjaran atas kebaikan.
Kak Lela.Huda.Kak Izyan.Kak Azila.my senior,Marliyana.Jang,IP Perlis. Ni saviour-saviour time mula-mula datang
Ain Syazwani Haron.si kaunter maklumat.Aku tak tough mana pon tapi sebab aku bajet aku saviour hang tu aku boleh kental sebab aku rasa ko perlukan shoulder to cry on.hahahaha
Ashezal Farhan.thanx for all those positive thought.Mamat ni gile positif kot sampaikan masa kat airport ada budak yang dapat Belaga ni dok cakap-cakap pasal si motivator ni.haha
Afiq Yaacob.Serunding ko sedap.Juadah bersahur.Kiki
Housemate.Ija,Tehah,Ollyn,Era and Aishah…juga bakal housemate…Yasmin(anak Era)
and… Abah.Niece Zati.Kak Niza.Bancip.Bali.Bari.Bang Abu.Kak Zah.Dekwa.Den jauh pon,bonding kita adik beradik tak boleh putus.Amanah mak ni.Tunggu den balik raya. : )
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